I have to say that this picture completely characterizes our relationship. We simply adored each other.
And though she's been gone for 11 weeks now, it's still doesn't seem real or true. How can she really be gone? How can I have already chosen a wedding gown without her? How am I going to walk down the aisle without her there smiling brightly and proud? How is it that every time I go over to her house, I expect to see greet me at the front door? How is it that I won't see her again for a very very long time?
I find that I dream of Grandma often. Sometimes I'll see her in the distance, sometimes she's in the same room. And she never speaks to us, but it's comforting to have her there.
Except for this one time.
I was sitting in a dark room and heard Grandma start talking to me on the phone. I didn't call her and the phone didn't ring, she was just there.
Grandma: Hello Sarah.
Sarah: Grandma? I miss you. Can you come back?
Grandma: I miss you too. I can't come back but I'm okay where I am.
Sarah: Are you going to call Mom?
Grandma: I'm not sure yet. I don't know if I can.
Sarah: What about Grandpa? He misses you.
Grandma: I miss him, too, but I can't call him. He won't understand why I can't come back but I'm okay.
I woke up from this dream with a start and have cried every time I've tried to decipher what it means. I just can't figure out. I'm hoping that it means that she really is okay. She's at peace and no longer hurting. It also makes me feel like I will see and talk to her one day again.
I am so very thankful for the opportunity to converse with Grandma one more time. You always want one more time.
But I'm missing her. So very badly.
No comments:
Post a Comment