Heartsick

It has been an extraordinarily unusual summer. We got engaged. I lost my Grandma. Paul lost his job. I got my CPA. I lost my job. I took a job. Paul tried to start his own business.

Nothing that has happened to us this summer was normal.

Since we were both unemployed for virtually the entire summer, we spent virtually all of our time together. It was an awesome taste of what retirement would be like for us. (Except then we would have money to spend.)

Unfortunately, summer is over.


The love of my life is leaving for Boulder, CO in a week.

It wouldn't be so problematic except for the fact that I'm not going with him.

I know that this is the best career option for him at this moment in time. It's a great job opportunity. Especially because he'll be able to continue to work on starting his own business. It just blows that this job is 22 hours away from where I live.

Clearly I will not be accompanying him. I just got an awesome new job. I'm really looking forward to starting it...in 4 days.

My heart is heavy with the thoughts that I will only be able to see and hold my love once a month. Our only form of communication will be through Skype and our phones. Thank goodness for technology. But it still sucks that he'll be there. And I'll be here.

I'm trying to be strong. I hope I'm putting on a brave front.

I'm looking at the positives of this situation. Next Friday after work, I'll hop in the U-Haul and we'll make the cross-country trek together. He'll be home at the end of the next week for the engagement party. He has to return in October for a meeting with the priests at Canisius about the wedding. He'll be home again in November for Thanksgiving and in December for Christmas. Then I'll take a few days and go visit him in January.

It's not like I won't be seeing him for the next year.

I'm trying to remain optimistic.

But the thought that I won't live in the same zip code as the love of my life until after we get married...a year from now...makes me so heartsick.

So for the next week, I am going to spend as much time with him as possible. We've decided that tomorrow night we're going on a date. I have no idea where we're going, but we'll be together. And that's exactly what we both need right now.

Life sure keeps us on our toes.

Let's hope married life is much more calm than this.