being needy

Now I have prided myself in the past few years of not being needy. And this is why.

In the past, I dated someone who was, in fact, extremely needy. He needed to be with me all the time. When I left for class, he was there. When I came home from class, he was there. When I did studying and homework in the library, guess what, he was there. He was always there. It was almost as though he couldn't do anything without me. And while there is something very sweet about having someone want to be with you all the time, it does start to get old after awhile. And then your friends (and roommates) start to get annoyed that said person does not leave. Ever. And then you start to get annoyed that your friends don't like said person, but then you see what they are saying. And you start to wonder why he didn't ever leave you alone.

At first you figured that it was nothing, really. He was just so in love with you that he couldn't get enough. And then you realized that he really had no life besides you and that watching your every move was satisfactory to him. And then you start to avoid him. And he realizes that you are avoiding and calls you out on it. And when you break up with him, he calls you constantly wanting to get back together. Despite the fact that you have moved on. But I digress.

The point of this story is that I dated a needy person for a year and a half. And when it ended, I felt liberated where I could go or do whatever I wanted without someone else having to go with me. (Some would say this bordered on controlling and stalkerish, but I'll leave it at needy.) So, going forward with my life, I decided that I would NEVER be that needy person in a relationship. Because I have been on the other side...it's not always fun.

Now that I am in my current (and what I would consider) a stable and long-term relationship, I think that I have done a good job of not being needy. I mean, I know that there have been some moments in the past 3 years (OMG - how have we been dating for 3 years?!) when I have been needy. But I'd like to think that they are few and far between. I don't get upset when Paul goes out with his friends and I don't demand that he take me out or with him every time we're separated. I don't flip out if we don't see each other every day of the week and I am a-ok with spending a night at home. Alone.

That said, is this normal behavior? It seems like I should be more needy. Or we should be spending every waking, non-working moment together. We should be only seeing each other and not our other friends. If Paul and I were to get married (and if you are reading [you know who you are], please note that I said IF so don't go start getting all weird), would that change or would we still spend time apart? I don't want to become one of those couples that spends every waking, non-work moment together, but then again, isn't getting married the point of not having to have those alone moments anymore? Would Paul start to get angry if I wanted him to hang out with me more than his friends? Would he get upset if I still hung out with my friends from work?

In any case, I am proud of myself for being not needy and independent. (Perhaps that was the whole point of this post!) I like that I am self-sufficient - I support myself, bought a house myself, feed myself (hey - some days that's a feat!), and generally do my own thing. But sometimes, you need to be needy.

~*~

I have made my triumphant return to Erie, PA today. As much as I do hate driving down here, there are definite perks to this job.

Food - While I have gained about 6 lbs during my 6 week stay, the food is amazing. I have a zillion new favorite restaurants that I wish were in Buffalo, because I would totally visit Pufferbelly's and Smuggler's Wharf on a regular basis.

Mariott Beds - Have you ever stayed in the beds at either a Residence Inn or a Courtyard Mariott? Those beds are amazingly comfortable and I always seem to get good nights sleep in them. (Or is it the alcohol that I have been consuming nightly at dinner?)

New friendships - It's so nice to get to know coworkers that you weren't really good friends with before. Because you can never really have too many new friends.

The guy in Fast Track Registration - I enjoy his wave and smile every time I walk through the ER.

Paul - (This one might be a little weird...bare with me) It always feel so good to come back home to a good hug!