Farewell

Dear Grandma,

It's only been a day since we were last together. And I can't believe that you're really gone. How can you be gone from this earth so quickly? How is it that you were with us and talk to me a few days ago and now I'll never hear your voice again or give you another hug.

I hope you know how much you mean to me. I feel incredible amounts of guilt knowing that I didn't call you or see you as much as I should have. I allowed life to get in the way, but I hope that you know how important of a person you have been in my life.

Looking back, I love knowing that you have been to every important thing in my life. You were at all my sporting events, school plays, important days, and everything in between. No matter what I did, you made it a point to come and cheer me on. When I close my eyes and think back on everything that happened in my life, I can always see you sitting there smiling.

What are we all going to do without you? You've always been the take-charge matriarch of this family. Every holiday and special occasion was because of you. How are we going to celebrate without you with us? It's not ever going to be the same.

I don't regret one single second of the time that I spent with you in the hospital. I know that you often told me to leave or thought that there was somewhere else I should be. But I hope you know that being with you was exactly where I needed to be.

It's heartbreaking to all of us to know that you suffered. And that we didn't do enough to stop your suffering. I think we were all so surprised that the doctors and nurses weren't doing their jobs, that we didn't realize that it was our job to make them do their job. And while I know that you suffered, I hope it gives you some sort of comfort to know that we know better now, and we won't let anyone else get treated like that.

I think you would be very proud of how we said goodbye. Your funeral was nice, but we didn't give into our grief and go overboard. I don't think it's what you would have wanted and it's not something that Grandpa would have ever done. Of course, it was so hard to say goodbye to you, but we all did it. We all got through it. But it wasn't easy. Not in the least bit.

What gives me the most comfort is that you're hanging out in heaven now. I know that Auntie Di keeps asking me if I think you're in heaven. I think she wonders if that's where you are. But I *know* that is exactly where you are. And it's comforting to know that you're enjoying some time with Grandma Jay. I know she's thrilled to have another friend and is showing you around. I'm happy that you're not alone. You journeyed away from us alone, but now, you're with the best people in the world.

How are we going to get by without you? Every day I still find myself missing you. I keep finding things that you've given me and I can't bring myself to throw them out or even know what to do with them. I have a collection of Presidential dollars. You so carefully got them ready and put them into sleeves. Now what do I do with them? You told us to hang on to them, but it seems sad to know that you aren't here enjoying them with us.

I'm embarking on one of the most special days of my life. And my heart is broken that you won't be there to see it. Well, I won't be able to see you. I know that you'll stop down to see us get married and your spirit will be there, but it's not the same. I feel like I should be able to look a pew to my left and see you sitting there, with your camera, in a fancy dress, smiling. And when I look at Grandpa sitting there alone, it's going to break my heart. So I hope you know that it won't be the same without you.

Grandma, thank you for being one of the most important and special people in my life. I hope you know that I love you. The last thing you told me was that you loved me and that's been a wonderful gift. You've been a kind and generous grandma to me for the last 27 years. I hope you know how much I love you and will always love you.

I love you.
Sarah


I thought I'd share some fun memories of Grandma.
♥ Grandma's orange fuzzy robe and flip slippers - She always wore this robe and it always looked comfy. I always loved climbing into her lap and cuddling up.
♥ Wreath Christmas cookies - Gram knew they were my favorite and always but those red cinnamon candies on them for me to eat.
♥ The smell of Grandma's cooking - man, what I wouldn't do to have some of her homemade pizza or some pies
♥ Grandma always went out of her way to make stuff that she knew I would like to eat.
♥ Going on vacation - When I was little, I used to stay overnight at Grandma and Grandpa's and call it going on vacation. We used to stay up late doing the word game. And then in the morning, Grandma would make me breakfast. Grandpa would lay out all of his vitamins. And we'd watch the Today Show. Then after breakfast, Grandpa would go out in the garden and Grandma would take me to the mall. We'd hang out. I'd play games at Boardwalk Blvd. After we had a Burger King lunch, we would head back home via the back way. I'd lay down for a nap, while Grandma watched her soap. After naptime, we would do a craft or hangout. Then I would get to help make dessert and then dinner. We'd eat and then mom and dad would come to get me.
♥ Eating at Jacobi's - Grandma would always take me out to dinner for pizza at Jacobi's on Friday nights.
♥ Strawberry pie - Grandma's pie was so amazing. And we got to eat it after we spent the day picking strawberries.
♥ Grandma's bike - she always rode her bike down to the Armor park to watch us play baseball