A devastating blow

As I noted before, my Grandma's been super sick.

We took her to the hospital over a week ago because we thought the pneumonia was getting really bad. She was having trouble breathing and got winded doing such easy tasks.

At the hospital, the doctors took a bunch of x-rays and realized that fluid was building up in Grandma's lungs. So they did some sort of needle suction thing to drain everything building up in her lungs out. When the fluid came out bloody, the doctors had a feeling that it wasn't so good. It was either going to be bloody due to the pneumonia irritating the lungs or cancer. So the fluid was sent for cancer screening, just in case.

A few days later, more fluid was building up and they had to drain her again. When they got another half-gallon out of her lungs, we knew that wasn't a good sign. How come the fluid kept going back in? And we also got the bad news that there were cancer cells in the fluid they drained. So a few more tests were done and the doctors told us that there were some nodules in her lungs.

We had no idea what that meant and just kind of hoped for the best. Grandma didn't seem so good - it's been hard for her to breath and she just looks so tired.

Since the fluid was still building up in her lungs, the doctors decided to do surgery yesterday. And when they went in, they found that Grandma's entire chest cavity was covered with cancer. When Grandpa asked when they'd take Grandma to Roswell for treatment, the doctor said that there probably wasn't much they were going to be able to do for her.

A devastating blow.

As of right now, we aren't sure what our next steps are going to be. Mom thinks that perhaps they might send her right to Hospice. Or maybe Roswell can do something for her. We just don't know.

I'm trying to keep it together, but it's so very hard. I'm okay a lot of the time but it hurts so bad to think about what's going to happen to us in the next few weeks. It's so hard to watch someone you love suffer. And it's going to be a tough road for Grandma. Cancer is such an enemy. And it's painful and unrelenting. Gram's a tough lady, but I'm scared to think that this is going to bring her to her knees and then kick her when she's down.

Selfishly, I think of all the things that she's going to miss. She's not going to see any of her grandchildren get married, have babies, or go on to do some really great things. She's not going to be able to celebrate 60 years with her husband. There aren't going to be any more vacations where they can just take off on a cruise.

And then there's Grandpa. He's always been the even-tempered, never get upset one. I don't think I've ever seen him cry. I think mom's only seen it twice. He's been feeling sick the past few weeks and I don't know how he's going to do without her. I can see him being just completely lost. I sure hope he doesn't fall apart. Because that's hard, too.

So if you're reading out there, can you just say a quick prayer for my Grandma. She's got a lot going on right now and all we really want is for her to be at peace with life and not be in too much pain.