Jon & Kate Plus 8 - Turning 5 and The Future

Turning 5 and The Future
After enjoying the enormous party celebrating the sextuplet's fifth birthday, Jon and Kate sit down with each other for a serious discussion regarding their future together as well as the kind of future they want to build for their family.

~*~

I have a feeling that this is going to be a complete and total train wreck. I'm not even sure if I should be watching this. But yet, I am.

The kids are turning 5! It's hard to believe that time has gone by so fast, but it seems reasonable. We've really known them since they were about 18 months old. And now they are 5. I feel like I have a vested interest in them. Which is sad and definitely the point of the show.

Now that the Gosselins have been thrown into the mainstream media (and not just TLC), they are being constantly pursued. The paparazzi are now super interested in them and follow them all over. Jon doesn't like having the public scrutiny and realizes that the tabloids are paying off people to say whatever.

Kate thinks they have just "gone up a level." Gone up a level of what? Celebrity? I hate to break it to you, Kate, but the only reason you're a *celebrity* is because you popped 8 kids out. And exploited them. It's not because of *you* per say...because *you* aren't that interesting of a person by yourself.

Perhaps the most telling part of this show, in the first 2.5 minutes, is that Jon and Kate are no longer doing joint couch interviews. They are both sitting on the same couch, but doing interviews separately. Although I'm not quite sure why Kate's sitting in the middle with a whole bunch of pillows to hold her up and Jon's in extreme relaxation mode and practically laying down.

Jon doesn't waste any time and gets right to the point. He declares that he didn't cheat on Kate and he knows what he knows. One day the kids will Google him and find all this stuff and he's just hoping they'll believe him. Well...if their Monster Mom (per UsWeekly) is to be believed...he'll be fine because the kids seem to prefer him anyway.

Of course Kate has a rebuttal to Jon's claim. She kind of dismisses him and then side steps the allegations at her. She claims she's "doing what [she's] supposed to be doing." Which is working and traveling. Which also require security. Um...isn't your job supposed to be a mom? And I don't know that stay-at-home mom duties include being away from your kids for 20 of the last 31 days. Doesn't the defeat the *stay-at-home* mom description? She then says that she can't talk about the allegations because they make her very mad. That's the spirit...change the subject and don't deal with it.

Kate goes on to say that she's been dealing with this for at least the last 6 months. And she doesn't know how to fix it. And that she understands that Jon's alone with the kids a lot while she's off doing her thing, but that "he has help." Well done, Kate. Lie a little more. Because when you're home...you have help, too. And while we're bashing...you don't really seem to care or want to fix this mess *you* got them into. Presenting your husband with a contract that basically ends the marriage is something you should take the blame for. Perhaps that's why Jon's out and about...you gave him permission.

Her rant doesn't really end there. She admits that she was hard on him, but she didn't "push" him to this. This isn't the life she envisioned them having and it's hard on her. Oh boo hoo. This *is* the life she envisioned. Kate wants to be rich and famous. But only the perks.

Despite all this crap that's going on in their lives, the kids are having a birthday and turning 5. Kate says that she likes to throw the kids huge parties (um...what happened last year when you took them to make cupcakes and then wouldn't let them eat it?). And since she had so much to do, she thinks she might have forgotten to hand out the invitations and there might only be the Gosselin kids there. Which would probably suit her just fine because then she won't have to share the spotlight with anyone else. But her kids.

It's time to get ready for the big party and we see the kids (minus bibs) sitting at the table eating lunch. Aaden burps loudly and Collin replies with an ewww. Aaden laughs and then says excuse me. It is nice to see the kids drinking with straws out of real cups and not sippys. We get a peak at lunch and see the kids are still eating snacks off a paper plate. So they haven't really gone green yet.

Kate usually likes to plan for the kids' birthdays for the year leading up to the actual day. This I find hard to believe. But anways, the kids told Kate they wanted a "bouncy" party, so she realized how easy this is going to be because all she's going to have to do is make a few calls and have the blow up stuff delivered. Or tell the producers what the kids want. But I'm sure she'll be exhausted getting it all together.

Alexis and Leah seem excited for their birthday. Alexis even tells us that she's going to be 11 and Leah quickly corrects her. But the kids are still so cute. And so grown up. I can hardly stand it! Joel's finally done with his lunch and realizes that he probably shouldn't throw his fork in the matchy matchy stainless steel garbage can. Aw man...he's super grown up too!

Kate tells us that they are heading to to Party City to get the party favors. She's currently sitting at the table eating some salad and you can hear the kids screaming in the background. And she also throws in that Jon needed a weekend off and isn't there to help her. Um...somehow I don't really think that's how it was...I don't know any parent that would say that. Except for her. Aaden and Alexis came running over with a problem and Kate really just told them to go away and continued to talk to the camera and completely ignored the kids problem. After they started to walk away, she yelled to them to "be kind" and then threatened with a nap. Of course no interaction with her children would be complete without an eye rolling and a large sigh. So much for *hearing* them through their whining.

Now that the boys are getting older, they're starting to beat on each other more. While that sounds a little strange, growing up with a brother, I know that when he got older, he started to become more physical and want to wrestle and play around more. Jon finds it funny and calls them the Three Stooges. Plus, the kids have 5 sisters, so they have to be tough. Um, yeah, while I don't think they should be fighting, I totally get it.

It was nice to see Mady having fun with her siblings because after their parents get through with this train wreck of a life, they are going to be all she has. So she's hanging out with Alexis and talking about who she's invited to her party. Alexis is happy to have her friend Braden (a boy) and her teachers come to the party.

Before they can leave for the party store, the kids continue to run through the house, call each other names (a pooper-weiner), and look for stuff in their massive home. Kate finally comes down in her designer outfit and announces that she's going to sit down by the front door, wait 5 minutes, and go with who ever is ready. Um...how is this different than any other day in her life? She did finally have Collin go get the girls, who were were watching tv.

On a side note...they have furnished their house with quite expensive things. It's impressive. And sad that it took breaking the family apart to get all these things. I always thought their old stuff was nice.

Kate shows off her amazing driving ability by parking in the middle of 2 spots. She spots the paparazzi and tells the kids that they have to get out of the car quickly because the paps are following them. Joel asks completely innocently what paparazzi is and she shushes him and tells him not to say it. This goes along with Kate's complete and hypocrital action. I'm sure if she didn't say anything about the paps, the kids wouldn't have either. She hurries them out of the car and rushes them into the store.

Clearly the paps were still there when they exited Party City and Kate told them to go follow another mom. Which is shocking. Why would we want to see another mom when Kate has *8* kids to take care of?

Unfortunately, when the kids got home, Collin didn't have a good handle on his balloon and it flew away. Poor guy got upset, but Mady tried to comfort him with a notepad. What an awesome big sister.

Now that they are home from the store, Kate gets the stuff unloaded and carries it all in the house. Of course, she accidentally locked herself out and had to have a kid open her door. Here's an idea...give each kid a bag to carry in!

Since we're clearly going to market this show as Kate plus the kids, we see Kate on her book tour. She didn't use to like the fans, but now loves them. Of course she loves them now. They're buying her books and supplying her with trips and new clothes. We see Kate at a book signing with a little girl who says that her favorite episode is when they got the puppies. Kate grimaces and says that the little girl can have the dogs if her mom says yes. I'm sure that will crush the kids to know that their mom was giving their beloved pets away. Another fan tells her to say hi to Jon. Um...probably not going to happen. More than likely because Kate doesn't speak to Jon at all. Unless the cameras are on.

Kate admits that it's hard to handle all of this attention and that she doesn't do it well. I don't think Kate handles life very well. She then goes on to say that she doesn't recognize *this* Jon. He's having erratic behavior and just isn't acting the way she knows him to be. Well, perhaps he's done being a money hungry whore and wants to go back to regular life. It seems to bother Kate that Jon doesn't want to be famous. She says that it's not going away. Probably because she won't let it go away until they crash and burn.

Jon doesn't seem happy to have his life and career be the same thing. He can't really get away from working. He knows they started the show to document their lives but it's turned into something more. The producer asked what if Jon and Kate's roles were reversed and Jon answers that he can't write and apparently cannot breathe or talk either. Nice zinger in there. Jon says he is happy being home with the kids, but he misses working and doesn't feel like this is the life that he chose. It sounds like he was okay with this show as a way to give their kids a better life and do things they wouldn't be able to afford to do otherwise. But now it's turned into something no one seems to recognize. I wonder if he'll be the one to grow a pair, stand up for the kids, and say no more.

Recently, one of the kids accidentally called Kate by one of the not-a-nanny's name. Kate admitted that was hard but it's a control thing and she has to let go. Hmm..perhaps she should just be home more often so her kids remember that she's the lady with the bad hairdo. She claims that if they are happy, healthy, safe, and loved then she's fine with it. Are they happy? Jury's out on that one - Mady and Cara sure don't seem very happy. Healthy? Yes...they seem to be. Safe? Um, I doubt safety includes having a camera follow them around and having all of America know them. Loved? Yes, they are loved. Even if their mom doesn't show it. They are loved by a lot of people.

It's time to get ready for the party, so of course, Kate tells us that she's exhausted. She gives the kids some candy for being good at the store. It looks like they're eating Runts. I didn't know Runts were organic! And yet another mention of being exhausted and trying to get everything set and filling the pinatas. Oy...that woman must never sleep.

Joel jokingly asks Kate if the toy frogs are candy. Kate says she doesn't know and tries to make him try it. He goes in for a taste and she pulls it away and he laughs. Too bad it wasn't a cuter moment between them.

Chewing an incredibly large piece of gum, Kate says that she's doing the party by herself and the show has to go on whether she has help or not. What does help have to do with it? Who cares if someone helps her or not. And then, help just arrived in the form of Cara and Mady. The girls help Kate put the candy boxes together and Kate kind of half does it. She says that the girls are taking over and really stepping up as big sisters. Really, they are just doing more of Kate's job...parenting. Mady and Cara seem to have grown up a lot, too. Mady seems very articulate and funny. I hope she's had a bit of a break from the cameras. She's really needed it and needs time to just be a kid.

It's the morning of the party! Kate's at a park under a shelter of some sort with Carla and her daughter, Ashley. She's ordering the two of them around and telling everyone where to put things. Due to the fact that it's still May in the Northeast, the weather hasn't turned warm yet. So Kate's shivering in the "frigidity". Well, she is decorating in a skirt and wedges. Which doens't seem quite appropriate for the weather or the occasion. But whatever. Furthermore, they had to try to trick the paparazzi so they got a late start, so Kate is demanding that some of the production assistants help her. Yikes.

Kate continues to complain about the cold. Why doesn't she put on pants? Everyone else there is wearing jeans. It's muddy outside. And there are tons of bugs. Kate tries to joke about how many bugs there were, but perhaps there are more important things in life than dealing with bugs. How about dealing with your family?

Now that the shelter's mostly decorated, Kate leaves to go pick up the kids. Since Kate said that Jon was away, she had to have had help. Who was home watching the kids? They aren't old enough to be home alone. Hmm...

It's finally party time! Kate arrives with the kids in their matching Gymboree outfits. She finally wised up and put on some pants and a shirt that was more appropriate for her setting. The kids got wind of the party and seemed excited to see all of the fun stuff awaiting them.

The guests start arriving and Alexis greets her friend Brayden, who has brought 6 (yes 6) presents. She seems excited that he came to her party and giggles when he says hi to her. Cara and Mady were allowed to invite 1 of their best friends to the party and some of the parents seem to stick around to watch what's going on. This is probably a good idea. If they've seen any episode of the show, then they know that Kate's got a short fuse and they probably don't want her freaking out on their kid.

Since the day seemed kind of overcast, 2 of the bounce houses have water in them. So instead of getting some paper towels to take care of it, Kate just tells the kids to go into another one. This is fine, but if it were anyone else but Kate, they'd go in and wipe up the water themselves.

Lo and behold, Jon wasn't away and did show up at the party! Something smells fishy to me. Jon said that they drove separately and Kate forgot the cakes and the phone, so he went back and forth getting the stuff she forgot.

The tension between Jon and Kate at the party was palpable. They barely acknowledged each other, which was very strange. It seemed like Jon was trying to make some sort of eye contact with Kate, but she refused to look in his direction and called for Carla instead. She's still freezing cold and complaining about it. Now that she's got her coat of armor on, she tells Jon to go take care of the bounce houses that have water in them. He does just that.

Instead of ignoring the paparazzi, Kate points each and every one of them out. Why won't she just ignore them? At this point, they are a part of your life. If you can ignore the TLC camera in your face, you can ignore the paps which are probably more then 50ft away from you.

Kate gathers everyone around her and makes the official announcement that the kids can go play. It makes no sense that she called the kids away from playing to let them know that they can go play. Weird. Some of the kids did stick around and get some food, though.

Joel and Leah seem to be happy chowing down on some yummy food. Alexis hugs her friend and seems happy to have her there. Joel is sad that his friend Luke can't be there and Leah's happy that her friend Megan could be there with her.

In a heartbreaking moment, Jon and Alexis spend some time together. Alexis explains that she invited Brayden and he's her buddy. She loves playing with him at school. Jon makes sure that she's not hugging and kissing this little boy. Alexis laughs and ensures him that she saves her kisses for her parents. She goes in to hug Jon and tells him that she loves him. It's so sweet. She then says that she missed him and she doesn't want him to leave anymore. Jon tells her that sometimes he has to work and go away. So heartbreaking. These kids are suffering. No matter what Kate says.

Playing the role of *good* mother, Kate calls all of her kids over to a picnic table and lines them up. She goes down the row of them, kisses them on the head, and tells them it was their birthday kiss. It was so clearly staged and fake. Since the kids are already sitting down, Kate calls Cara and Mady over for a picture. No one seems to want to be in a picture and Mady declares that she'll sit for exactly 1 picture. Kate tells Jon to sit on the opposite side of her, take off his sunglasses, and get ready. Someone takes a nice picture of the family and the kids run back to play.

It was time for the magician, so Kate summoned the kids to come watch his show. The kids seem to like it and Kate declares that he had better have a bunny or he's dead meat. And lo and behold, there was the largest and fattest bunny I have ever seen. All the kids seemed happy to see it and rushed over to pet it. Poor bunny. It got mauled. Seriously malled.

It's cake time and Kate fake cries or something when she puts the 5 candle on the cake. I can believe that it's hard to imagine your kids are that old. Once everything was set, she yelled for the children to come to her station for cake. Station? Are we in the military? Kate wasn't able to light the candles and seems kind of pissed that Jon was able to do it. When it's time to sing, Kate tells everyone that they have to sing the birthday song 6 times for each kid. And says that if everyone's seen their show, then they know this is true. Um...that's presumptious to think that these people watch their show. Whatever.

Now that cake time is over, Kate hurries everyone to the pinata. Cara wants to go first, but since it's not her birthday, that doesn't seem quite fair. Although Leah does have to go last because she stole candy out of the pinatas last night. Oh, a girl after my own heart!

The kids seemed to have fun with the pinatas. Everyone seemed to enjoy hitting it and trying to get the candy out. When the first one went down, it's head stayed on the string but the entire body fell off. So Kate scooped it up, ripped it open, and sprinkled the candy out. She called it frustration relief. But when the next one happened, Jon tried to do it and Kate attempted to swipe it but Jon stood his ground and told her to do the next one. Good boy. And when the next one happened, Kate pushed her way ahead of the kids and held it in the air like she'd won a victory. This reminds me of a scene from Kicking and Screaming where Will Ferrell yelled "losers" at the kids on his soccer team through an orange cone. And when he wife asked what he was thinking, he said that he couldn't call them winners. Although this instance was less funny than when Will did it.

Kate rambled on and on about how she thinks it's a shame that pinatas are made in the shape of our favorite characters and then we beat on them. Kind of a strange commentary.

The pinatas were fairly successful and there was only once incident. Poor Collin got trampled on a little bit, but he still got some candy. So it was succesful. Additionally, he also called them "tinatas" which is so cute.

The kids seemed happy with their party and told the camera all of their favorite parts of the party. They all seemed to have a good party. Collin did run over to Kate and say thank you for the party. Kate completely ignored him as he said it over and over again. Finally, when the mother that Kate was attempting to talk to pointed it out, Kate lavished him with attention. It was so so incredibly fake.

We then get to see a cute montage of the kids' lives. They really are super cute kids. And have had cameras in their faces their entire lives.

After the adorableness, we're subject to 13 more minutes of Jon and Kate crap. They sit on the interview couch together as far apart as possible, and it's so incredibly tension filled. They don't know where they are headed and Kate says that she loves what she's doing - getting free things. They both say that they are there for the kids. Although Kate totally wishes that Jon wasn't there with her.

We then get to a solo couch interview with Kate. She whines and cries and says that this might be the last family picture that they take all together as a family. And during her tears, she worries about ruining her makeup. So I don't know how *genuine* this is. She's totally playing the *woe is me* card and hoping that people will latch on. She's definitely trying to completely push Jon out of the picture (both literally and figuratively) so she can have her own show. And lie to us even more.

Jon seems to realize and admit that they aren't together. He says that they love the kids and that the party was good for the kids. They could see that they could come together and be together. He seems to be determined to do the best job for the kids and will work out whatever they need to with Kate.

The show ends with a family cookout. Kate's busy working in the kitchen making some salads for dinner and Jon's cooking bugers, scallops, and hot dogs on the grill. Everyone sits down together and seems happy to be together. Even Jon and Kate are nice to each other. Aaden declares he wants a "hungerber" for dinner and Kate offers to make Jon a plate of dinner. Both Jon and Kate's voiceovers admit that they are going to work hard to give their kids the best of them.

SassySarah's Review: This has turned into an extremely sad situation. Two thumbs down.